It's not that I want to die.
I'm scared to live.
Sawada-san, do you hear me?
Sawada-san, do you understand me?
Sawada-san. Sawada-san.
Sawada-san.
Help me.
You woke up.
We will arrive at the hospital any minute now.
I don't want to die.
[Kanto Medical University Hospital]
Doctor.
Apparently he fell from his wheelchair...
but there wasn't any trauma to his head or cervical spine.
His breathing became weak due to the mild brain concussion.
But now it's back to normal. So there is no need for you to worry.
Thank you very much.
Sawada-san.
Takuto.
Do you know where you are? You are at a hospital.
Why?
Do you remember anything before you got here?
In the ambulance...
Yes, how about before then?
No.
Don't worry. You didn't get injured.
I'm glad... you are all right.
He was very unstable.
He said he was scared of both being on a ventilator and not being on it.
Even being on it?
Because he's not sure if he will be able to endure the situation where...
he can't move his body at all and communicate anymore.
Right now it's important for him to feel happy living with the people around him.
We have to make sure that he feels that way everyday.
Yes.
Do you think you can eat?
When you want to eat...
I'll have some.
Sure.
Teacher, can I come over right now?
He was just discharged from the hospital.
Are you okay?
Teacher, take a look at this.
This robotic suit can read the brain of whoever's wearing it and moves accordingly.
Isn't that amazing?
If research and development are promoted further...
you and many other people with these sorts of sicknesses might be able to walk again.
I want to become someone who makes robotic inventions like this.
I've decided I want to go into engineering when I get into college.
And my school's student council is organizing an event with a junior high.
Do you think you can come as a guest and give a speech?
Huh? About what?
About anything.
Seeing you trying your best encourages me.
I don't think I'm the only one.
You are going to quit your company?
Not right away. But I'm hoping to do it eventually.
Why?
I want to open my own cafe.
A cafe that shows my obsession...
But I'm not going to push my taste to customers.
It's a cafe that serves what customers need.
Like caffeine-free coffee, or...
lukewarm coffee with a straw.
I want to do it on my own rather than complain about my company.
Although I didn't even think about it before.
I think it's done.
How is it?
How does it feel?
It's... amazing.
Now you can study for the exams again.
Yeah.
Ah, it's a race, okay?
I open my cafe or you get accepted to medical school.
Why don't you write something?
- Megu. - Okay.
[Goal]
You can write.
Yeah.
[I will express what I can convey now.]
Megu.
I will do what Sumire-chan was talking about.
Really?
What is it?
He will give a speech in front of many junior high school students and their parents.
You mean he will give a lecture?
- It's not like that. - Right, a lecture.
Let's go listen to it.
You don't have to come.
- We will definitely go, right? - Right.
Subtitles by DramaFever
[The Hours Of My Life] [The Final Episode]
Bye.
Hey...
When you were taken by the ambulance...
Shige-senpai looked for you as well.
Although he told me not to say anything to you.
Hey, it's not there.
- I'm sorry. - Please. I told you the other day.
- It's written right there. - I'm sorry.
- We should order these early. - I think so too.
Triceratops.
What?
Centrosaurus' hook shaped curved bones are attractive, aren't they?
But Styracosaurus' large frill spines are cool, aren't they?
I agree.
Which skull do you like better? Centrosaurus' or Styracosaurus'?
Styracosaurus'.
I like Centrosaurus'.
Ah, do you think Avaceratops belong to Centrosaurus or...
I'm getting nervous.
What?
I'm imagining myself talking in front of people.
Have you decided what you are going to say?
Not yet.
I'm home.
Big brother, guess what?
I made a friend.
- What? - What?
We got excited talking about dinosaurs.
I feel better thinking that even I can make friends if I go to school.
I bought some rice with azuki beans.
Why rice with azuki beans?
When you celebrate, you have to eat rice with azuki beans.
Let's eat it.
He only bought one.
[Before I became sick] [After having ALS]
What book is that?
It's a book on nutrition.
The doctor told me that nutrition is important for ALS patients.
From now on, the hospital is considering working with local communities...
to create a system to support patients with incurable diseases and their families.
[Basics of Starting a New Business] What about the name of the cafe?
It's too early. There are so many things that I need to learn before that.
I can't fail for sure.
What about the name of the child?
It's too early...
What? Could it be...
I am pregnant.
Yes.
Yes!
I have to succeed no matter what.
Yes! Yay!
Don't get too close.
Use the whole space.
Do it again.
I'm sorry to make you worry the other day.
Thank you very much.
I'm sorry.
I was asked to do this by an acquaintance.
Nice.
Um, this...
[Musashino Cultural Event] [Junior High School Student Assembly]
I will talk in front of everyone there.
I hope you can come.
I'll go.
Don't make any mistakes, got it?
Yes.
Coach.
Are they doing it again?
Bye.
Yes.
Takuto.
Take care of your body.
It is not only yours.
Thank you very much.
What's going on?
Hey, stop it.
He has been able to live positively everyday.
But I'm not sure what he is thinking in regards to using a ventilator.
- Hello. - Hello.
[Junior High School Student Assembly] Next is a lecture by...
our guest speaker, Sawada Takuto-san.
It starts at one o'clock.
- So please be seated by then. - Yes?
Mom.
I invited her.
Thank you very much.
Good luck.
Even I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep last night.
Huh?
My heart started to pound.
You are making him more nervous.
You are right. You should take a deep breath.
Yes.
Why are you nervous, Mamo-chan?
I can't help it.
Thank you for coming.
No problem.
15 more seconds.
It's one o'clock and we would like to listen to our guest speaker, Sawada Takuto-san.
Sawada-san has been living with a disease.
Thank you for coming today.
I'm Sawada.
Pleased to meet you all.
I'm sure everyone has thought of this at least once...
'What is the purpose of my life?'
Before I became sick I spent my everyday life aimlessly...
without having any specific goals.
I didn't have an identity.
I even hid how I really felt from my family.
I didn't like myself for always playing a character.
At the end of my senior year in college, my classmate killed himself.
I don't know the reason but he had a hard time finding a job.
I was incredibly shocked but...
I didn't feel his 'death' related to my own life.
Because I thought my life would continue as usual.
It was in my first year working for a company...
when I was informed that I had a disease.
It's a disease called ALS that causes muscle atrophy.
At first, I felt a strange sensation in my left hand.
I had trouble holding objects with it.
Then one thing after another, I lost all strength in my left hand...
Then I couldn't raise my left arm, and then I couldn't move my left leg.
My right hand still moves a little...
but I cannot raise my arm.
My right leg doesn't move so I can't walk or stand up.
Someday I won't be able to swallow things or even breathe.
If I can't breathe, I will die.
So I will need a machine called a ventilator to support my breathing.
But with a ventilator I won't be able to speak.
Although I won't speak, I will be able to convey my feelings by...
typing in a computer by using a sensor, as long as I can move one part of my body.
If I can't move any of my muscles, I might not be able to communicate.
I'm not sure if I will be able to feel that I'm alive.
Once I'm on a ventilator I can't remove it.
I have prepared myself many times since I got this disease.
When I decided to tell people around me about the disease...
When I decided to live in the present by accepting the disease...
When I couldn't use my left arm completely...
When I couldn't walk...
When I couldn't work anymore...
This disease took so many things away from me.
I was scared when I looked at the things that were taken away.
So all I could do was focus on what's possible at each moment.
It was a cycle of finding a goal and losing it.
Currently my goal is to enter medical school.
I don't know how many years it will take to pass the exams...
or how long I can keep pursuing that.
But this disease can't take away my willingness to enter medical school.
In the future, even when all my goals are taken away from me...
the fact that I live pursuing my goal also can't be taken away.
And this disease didn't only give me suffering and despair.
I've learned about the warmth of people.
I can be open with my family and tell them what I want now.
I can believe in love now.
I like myself a little more now.
It made me realize the happiness that I have now.
That I can speak like this.
To be able to walk...
To run...
To eat...
To laugh...
To touch each other...
To feel the wind...
To be enveloped in sunshine...
To live at this moment...
That I was born into this world.
Now I have to prepare myself again.
Whether or not I am going to be on a ventilator.
I am scared to die, but I am scared to live.
It's not easy to prepare myself to die or live.
The people around me say that all they want from me is to keep living.
Will I be able to keep living just for my family and loved ones?
Will I be able to keep living when I can't fully communicate?
I have no clue at all.
One thing I know for sure is...
that I am enveloped by love and warmth no matter what condition I'm in.
My family...
My friends...
My senior...
My doctor and the hospital staff...
The care workers...
And...
My girlfriend who always stays next to me.
Will I be able to live only with love and warmth?
Will I be able to feel the meaning of life only with them?
And not just that, but I can't do anything...
Instead, I create more work for people by living.
Using the toilet, bathing, eating, sucking out phlegm...
Is it okay for me to live like that?
I've been thinking about that.
Maybe people around me will find a purpose in life if I am alive?
Maybe I can tell society the meaning of life just by the fact that I'm alive?
Then what do I need to do to be myself when all I can do is to live?
When that happens...
What will support me is the time I've lived until then...
The hours of my life.
I've prepared myself.
I've prepared myself to live.
I will do my best until the time comes in the future.
I truly appreciate you for giving me such an opportunity today.
After seeing you...
I am able to find my new goal.
From now on, I hope I can convey my feelings to people like I did today.
Thank you very much for today.
Takuto, it was amazing.
Mom, you are embarrassing me.
Takuto, we are proud of you.
[I received a 3,000 yen lecture fee.] [I'm still connected to society.]
I've decided to use a ventilator.
Yes.
Thank you for your support.
You will be living with ALS for a long time.
Well, please don't think of ALS as your enemy.
I hope you can think of it as a part of you and live in unison.
Yes.
It phonates the letter on the key that you hit.
'E.'
If you pre-record your own voice, it phonates letters in your voice.
- And... - 'Me'... 'Gu'...
You can also record words and sentences that you use frequently.
Please.
- 'A'... 'I'... - Doctor, is this...
Doctor?
The spring is here.
Thank you.
[Preparing to hire employees with disabilities] In today's workshop...
we have our former employee Sawada-san as an advisor.
Thank you for coming.
Thank you in advance.
Delicious.
[I ate fried chicken for the last time.]
I wonder if it will grow.
I wonder if it will grow big.
I wonder.
Megu.
Hmm?
I want to go and see the ocean again.
We should go.
Why don't we bury the bottle?
That bottle?
Yeah.
Let's write new messages.
Yeah.
Should we again write a message for oneself three years from now?
This time I will write to you three years from now, Megu.
[Dear Megu]
And I will write to you three years from now, Takuto.
Yeah.
Don't ever tell Megu, okay?
I know.
- Ready? - Yeah.
One, two...
One, two, three, four...
five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
- Perfect. - Right?
It's good.
- I'll put it in. - Yeah.
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
[Three years later]
When you serve meals for visually impaired patients you need to explain to them the placement.
For example, 'the rice is on three o'clock.'
I'm home.
Welcome home, Megu. [Welcome home, Megu.]
Do you remember Rikuto-kun said he is having dinner with his friend from school?
I think it's a girl.
[Ma]
[Ji]
Seriously?
He texted me not too long ago.
'Did you and my brother split the check at the restaurant when you were in college?'
[Weekly schedule] [Living with ALS]
They want to have an hour long meeting when we arrive at this week's lecture.
Is that okay?
I actually told them it's okay.
No.
What?
I told them it's okay. What should I do?
Should I tell them 'no?'
I lied.
What? You surprised me.
Then we have a meeting for an hour. Please don't forget, okay?
I found it.
Look.
Ah, this one is mine.
'Dear Takuto... Thank you for being next to me.'
From Megumi.
[Dear Megu. Thank you for being next to me. From Takuto.]
It's the same.
Subtitles by DramaFever